Untitled.

I dreamt about you
and it made me sick to remember
that I nearly held you


nearly nursed you
nearly loved you
instead I loved him and killed you
didn't know how to share
wasn't ready
I wish you would have waited
come in a couple of years or something


not saying it's your fault but your timing
your timing was off
so I had to do what he had me do
you want me to be happy, right?


And it's not that I want to forget you 
it's just that I don't want to remember
and my dreams are not a fair place for you to squander
see dreaming about you aint nothing new
that's not the part that gets me
it's the fact that you're different now
your face is harder 
and you look like you lived a rough life 
but I thought that is what I was saving you from


It hurts to think this much
I shouldn't have to hurt like this to remember Love


see
before they were dreams  of possibilities 
now dreams of regret
I never held you to my bosom 
that sweet milk of nature never touched your lips
I got no hug from short arms that could barely cover half my hip


and the fabricated memories of the old you now haunt me
with the contrast of the cold eyes that now visit me when I am sleeping


so kindly, stay out of my dreams
stop turning them to nightmares
and it's not that I want to forget you
It's just...
I don't want to remember