It Takes 3

Last week the Earth flooded
and yesterday I watched the skies fall.....


The news said that its over
that all the disasters are done...

That today will be sunny
that the sky went back up
that the oceans have divorced the land

so today I am expected to have fun but

still I sit
completely numb because I know that the disasters won't end until they have a crowd

Lauryn Hill 'Selah'

Family & Gunshots in 2011

I thought a lot about where I wanted to be when 2011 rolled around and what I knew for certain was that I didn't want to see a single face around me that I was not totally in love with. So because everyone was going somewhere and somewhere includes strangers and even people I know but don't particularly care for I decided to stay in with my Mumsy and my nephew.

It was a great decision. We had red velvet cake balls and simply enjoyed each others presence. I remember being so homesick on Thanksgiving eve. I cried so much that night. I was filled with longing and happiness. So many mixed emotions. But I swore that I would give my family my precious time when I am able to because I know what it means to miss with all your heart.

So here I am.
Ready to solidify New Year Resolutions and suddenly my thoughts are interrupted by loud bangs. Not pretty fireworks but earsplitting blasts. I look out of my living room window and two houses away are 4 or 5 boys with big guns blasting bullets non-stop from the bottom of the street to the top of the hill. Shooting. shooting. Not aiming. well, kind of aiming up. simply aiming away from themselves and sending bullets to God knows where.

I can hear them now. three shots in a row. four more. one shot. two. three. The shots just keep going and going and now I am laying in my bed but they sound like they are just outside my window...I guess they sort of are. They aren't even 100 yards away from my house. How can people can be so careless? Why are these boys so lost?

I am glad that I am not expecting any visitors. I am glad because anyone driving down my street right now could catch a bullet in a flash. I won't go outside. I won't even stand by a window. I am nervous about walking by one because these fools will be shooting into dawn.

They have guns of all kinds. I am no expert but they have guns bigger than my 2-year old nephew who is sleeping downstairs and small enough to fit in your back pocket (granted your pants are quite baggy). They have guns that shoot one bullet with every pull of the trigger and guns that just need the trigger held down so that bullets fly incessantly.

In my house cake balls are chilling in the fridge. Christmas lights are still hanging.  There is a kettle on the stove. It is warm and cozy. And outside it sounds like a battle field.

*sigh* I forget that these streets can be quite dangerous. I forget that all the time. They weren't always like this but today is today and today this is new neighborhood. This is not the street where I played Any-Hop, built bike ramps, played hide-and-seek, and drove barbie cars.

It's a new day.  A new year. A year that I brought in with family and gunshots.
Hello 2011 and HAPPY NEW YEAR. Again.

Happy New Year

Across the the street from the Moscow Art Theater.

The Return.

I am not sure where to begin. It has been a long time since I blogged. 

So much has happened. So much has changed. I am still not sure what those things are but I can feel them. I can feel myself breathing with a new breathe- with a new internal rhythm.

I have been in Moscow for the past 3 months. Drowning the sweetest death surrounded by nothing but art.

People keep asking me how Russia was and I want so badly to give them something good but a trip like this one is hard to summarize. 

"it was amazing" -is usually my reply. That's all most people want to hear anyway. Or I say, "it was cold" and they giggle a little.

But really it just blew my mind.

* I learned what it means to be honest in art and in life. I learned that those to things are not at all separate- an honest life leads to honest art and without honesty you have nothing.

* I learned how to let go and move on. Essentially, I learned to try. let go and try then move on but continuously improve.

* I learned to enjoy the process. So often we go from result to result and we forget to enjoy the moments in between. I learned to stop rushing through life/art. As our Russian Movement teacher put it-

"If you work for a result and not for the process you are like an actor who enters just to make an exit. It is the moments in-between where art happens."

*I learned to "check up myself". Double check. Check again and again. Examine. Question. Refine. Define. Solidify. Make all choices clear and concrete. And when you think you've done it all "check up 

yourself" a few more times. The process never ends.

*I learned from a good friend and amazing performer Lydia Kapp that "God looks out for the little things."

*I learned to share myself or "give the scene to partner".

*I learned what it means to be dedicated by watching my instructors and seeing the Russian students. I learned and experienced what it feels like to sleep, eat, and breathe something.

*I understood how history informs art and how there is not one without the other. I guess that ties right back to honesty.  

*I learned the difference between "drama of life and drama in life"

*I began to understand Anton Chekov and even began to see the humor in The Seagull (partly because of Group 1's awesome performance).

*I learned that "it is possible" is a far more productive way to say "for example". No need for examples, "it is possible" to do anything!!!! (so do it!)

This is a small "peep" into what I have brought back home with me. Many many lessons that I hope I never forget

I wish I had blogged throughout my journey but this process turned out to be a very personal one. I did keep a private journal though. (I am proud of that).

Anyways, now I am back and still me with some pretty chips where old ideas have fallen away and new designs where I have gained perspective.

If you read my blog throughout the summer then you remember that I have been feeling these changes as the approach. On July 20th I posted  Refined Consciousness. In this post I discussed how I am learning to take my time and not rush, how I feel myself changing. 

The point is that this process began long ago. I am sure now that all things are connected all things happen for some reason and I take comfort in that mystery.

You don't know what you are preparing for or how each situation will help you in the future but it will or it can if you let it. 

For this reason I am a big fan of tomorrow (I hope I make it there) but I am an even bigger fan of today with the spicy mystery of tomorrow.

Speaking of today and tomorrow-

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

more soon...

-Jacqueline Naami

Snap Shots

My Camera officially broke while in transit from Connecticut to New York or maybe from New York to Germany. It could be that it broke from Germany to Moscow. Either way the lens wouldn't open when I arrived in my dorm.

But Luckily Kelley Van Dilla who is an incredible photographer and a generous human being, lets me post photos from his camera. So all credit to Kelley Van Dilla. If you want to see more AMAZING pictures check out Kelley's blog as well (click here).

This is the house that I stayed in while on the O'Neill's Campus. It is called the White House but it might be yellow....not sure.

This is my favorite picture of the beach at NTI. I love the depth- the sun sits all the way in the back of the image but still manages to reach you with a rainbow.

Some of the group checking out Red Square

St. Basil's Cathedral

Rambling on Russia

(Written September 23)

Sunday, September 19th I met 29 students that will become my friends and essentially my family over the next 3 months.

I was pleasantly surprised to see how different each and everyone of was/is. Their Facebook profiles did them no justice. They are far from two-dimensional. They are layered and inflated and I Love it. 

So we met in Waterford Connecticut which is where the Eugene O'Neill  Theater Center. The O'neill Center is truly one of the wonders of God. The campus and land surrounding it are so overwhelmingly beautiful that you literally had to catch your breathe.

There are acres upon acres of green rolling grass, gardens, and stonewalls. IT is like some New England hobbit land. And when the grass stops rolling the sandy beaches appears like a dream come true. Next you are welcomed by the infinite ocean. To the right of the beach are giant rocks smashed and cozied together creating an organic masterpiece. We spent as much time on those rocks staring over the ocean and the grass as we could. Maybe that is way we felt so connected after a day and a half of orientation. Perhaps, sharing a memory as bold and beautiful as that one creates instant bonds.

Today (September 23) we had orientation. We met our language professor, stage combat professors, and acting professors. They went one by one (using translators) telling us their expectations. Last were the acting professors (I forget their names *whoops*). Before we could begin acting class we had to be separated into two groups otherwise our acting and movement classes would be far too big.

SO

We each did a monologue. One at a time. 31 monologues. 

Honestly, I was a little nervous. The moment had been shadowing every moment prior, not in a huge way but still there. We knew that we could not start classes until this "audition" was done.

One reason that this was so nerve-racking is because our acting teachers are the best. They are some of the most famous artists in Russia. In America, it is said "if you can't do- teach". In Russia that is absurdity. You should not teach unless you are a MASTER at your art. In fact once you master your art it is an HONOR to then teach young artists the skills that your teachers taught you and to also pass down the knowledge that you have acquired from your own journey.

It is an HONOR to teach. 

It is the mark of greatness. 

I think it is beautiful. So much of the way that Russians treat art and especially Theater makes me nod, "yess! yesss!".

Often I have the feeling that light bulbs are going off in my head non-stop. Other times I am just in silent awe, absorbing.

I want to MASTER theater and dance to the best of my ability and share it. I have no burning desire to be a movie star or big time celebrity. Don't get me wrong- it's not that I would denounce fame and fortune if it should be that I find myself in a position where I can receive it.  What I mean is that, I am not studying with the final goal being fame. I am studying because this is my LOVE and my LIFE and I want to do it well and I want to share it with others who are just as passionate as me. I want to share it with other people who LOVE acting and are incapable of doing any other job in this World.

Those people who like me have only very basic  (like VERY BASIC) mathematical skills and no sense of punctuation.  Those people who are proud for MONTHS after creating the simplest of powerpoints. Yep, I want to do this for them.

 I was told a story of a great Russian actor who decided that he had done enough work to begin teaching. No one argued as to whether or not he was a brilliant actor, to that point everyone agreed he was GOLD. Still, 30- some odd yrs he was, other teachers could be found saying, " He cannot teach yet. He is good but he has not worked long enough. He has not MASTERED his art".

There is so much respect for the arts here. If you decide that you want to be an artist- that is what you study. There is no "backup- plan". They eat, breathe, drink, walk, and dream their art and then THEY LIVE IN THEIR ART because by then it lives in them so COMPLETELY. It is imprinted on their souls. On every exhale you can see passion and precision. 

It is overwhelming and so immensely comforting to be in a place where NOTHING but pure dedication is expected of you at all times. A Russian MXAT (Moscow Art Theater) student has no scheduled breaks in their day. How dare you schedule a break before you have even begun to work?!?

No, they find time to eat, rest, snack.  

That is why they are the greatest. 

ALSO, The Moscow Art Theater  is the theater home of nearly every notable actor in Russia. They teach here, perform on the stages here, or studied here. Some just come to MXAT to eat lunch in the cafeteria. A cafeteria!!!  It is old school; single file line and tray style. The best of the best gather here and just chill. They eat in the CAFETERIA and then go about their day. Next to them are actors in training, personnel, MXAT custodians, and us- "the Americans"!  Can you imagine- Denzel Washington, Meryl Streep, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Will Smith all chiling in a cafeteria??

.

And in Russia any average Russian could name you 3 current theater actors- NOT movie stars but theater. Everyone follows it. 

Russia is an amazing place. I was worried about being murdered by neo-nazi groups, instead my hand has been kissed repeatedly and people have very politely asked to pose in pictures with me. 

I much prefer that to death.

I lost track of what I was telling yall. I wanted you to know that we all did our monologues and everyone was FABULOUS and tomorrow we will find out which teacher we have and what group we are in.

I AM SO EXCITED!!! 

Tonight a few of us joined some other American students from Illinois to a bar. Everything in Moscow seems either dirt cheap or NEW BORN BABY expensive. Tonight our drinks were dirt cheap.  Tomorrow we are going back because it is dance night! I cannot wait!! Oh and Saturday night we will attend our first show!!

-Part of our curriculum requires that we watch as much art happen as humanly possible. We will see 30-40 plays, concerts, and ballets.  In a city like Moscow that is a simple feat because there is always art happening, 7pm almost any night.

Saturday we are going to see a ballet- SWAN LAKE!!! I cannot wait!!  

I am so excited for our own ballet class. 

anyway, I think that is all for now.

until next time.