Choices. we make choices all the time.
sit here. eat that. say this. wear these. smile. frown. pout. laugh.
we choose again and again and each choice builds to what becomes your life. They build to habit.
One choice that so many of us make is the choice to -FIGHT-
I don't mean that we choose to be activists or anything progressive like that. I mean that we choose to fight ourselves.
We are conditioned to a certain protocol and it regulates the choices we make. There is an appropriate time to give up cartoons or say "I love you" or even buy your first home. Too soon or too late on any of these things sends the conditioned and institutionalized people around us in disarray.
so we fight the things that we would rather say and/or rather do so that no one thinks we are out of line.
it is after making those decisions that we sit back and feel the repercussions and realize that we should have said this instead or done that or perhaps we should have done and said nothing at all.
we make these choices and they build the foundations and walls of our lives. And eventually all the fighting and repressing puts ceilings on our lives that leave us feeling trapped. choking on stale air.
but the choice was made and the ceiling is on and the air is stale and as you hyperventilate you cannot find the way to turn back.
no undo/redo button in life. there is no way to make what happened virtually non-existent. But there must be a way to remove the ceiling and breathe more easily.
I don't know quite how to do it myself and I feel myself being lost under the shadow of a ceiling I am building by not understanding how to step back and try again. And although I have not found the key I am aware. Therefore the ceiling is not sneaking up on me. I see it edging and so I have a better chance at stopping it.
ignoring the ceiling is what leads to regret. So as you make choices. As you make the wrong choices (which you will do because we all do) and in reflection you feel yourself wishing you'd made a different one. Try and step back. try and say "there's a better way"
and then try to mend what you have torn.
-I don't know if this is clear...but hopefully somebody can feel me